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Friday, April 13, 2012

Lessons :: It may not be well with my body, but it is well with my soul.












If you've been following this blog for more than a week, I'm sure you've noticed that I post lots of personal photos of family and friends. I suspect that not everyone will enjoy posts like that and skip straight to the food and fashion. The truth is, I tend to 'overshare' because I see this as an on-line scrapbook! These are memories that I want to keep, and what better way for my loved ones to see them then right here? Also, the relationships I have with other people are the most important aspects of my life. (This is a lifestyle blog, after all.)

These were taken during my recent vacation -- a week of relaxation, self-reflection and emotional repair. Most of you know that I've been mending my broken heart on and off for months now, thinking I've moved forward just to fall behind again. But after this trip, I arrived back in LA with a fresh view of the world around me. I was excited and motivated, ready to pursue my dreams and live life happily as a confident, independent woman!

Within hours, though, everything changed.

A piece of me died on Easter. This is also the day that celebrates Jesus rising from the dead. And, coincidentally, it fell on my birthday this year. Something terrible happened that even I, Miss Loudmouth, can't possibly begin to 'overshare' right now. I'm not just being dramatic (oh, how I wish I was). I don't think it's coincidence that it happened right when I was finally at a good place, right after I wrote my post about helping women. I believe that there are good forces and evil forces battling in this world, and something evil wanted to stop me from doing something good. It wanted me to hide. Because that's exactly how I felt. And I still do, just not as much.

At first, I didn't feel like blogging. In fact, I didn't want to do anything. I didn't have the strength to. I could barely get myself to go to work or even leave my apartment. But I gave myself a couple of days, and then forced myself to function. Because I can't let this event consume me. I can't give it power over my emotions. And the more I live my life normally, the more I begin to feel normal again. It's going to be a slow process, and it's going to take a lot of effort, and it's only just beginning -- but I need to defeat this angry, anxious monster inside.

Which brings me back to family. My mother just took a week off from her full-time job for our vacation, but hopped on a plane and came out here just a few days later to be with me. It felt like it had been months. I don't think I've ever felt as close to her as I do now.

19 comments:

  1. Girl, I hope everything starts to get better. I can't even guess what happened so I'm not going to even pretend to give you any bullshit words of encouragement but that hopefully things will smooth out soon. Sorry, girl.

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  2. I'm so sorry about whatever's going on for you right now...I really, really hope things will start to turn around for you.

    Courtney ~ http://sartorialsidelines.com

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  3. I am always love to see mothers and daughters together.
    Nobody knows me better than my daughters, and nobody knows them like me.They are my Arcadia, and as you so well say: my emotional repair.
    My mother died many years ago in a car crashed, but I found her in my girls.
    Much love, my dear friend
    XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

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  4. And yet, you will keep moving forward. Perhaps it is irony that this has happened while you've made peace with yourself. This is a great comfort. We all have to tools we need within us to come through a crisis, but a lot of us are unaware of it. It took me a while to bounce back from my friend's death, but feeling that complete acceptance and strength inside myself, FINALLY, when it had been there the whole time was such a great relief.
    I hope you are feeling the same thing right now, it sounds like you are.
    that piece of you has not died, just changed shape, and it's waiting for you to realize it. Let yourself find that comfort. And love, just love,love,love.
    <3 Jude

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  5. I'm so sorry for whatever is bringing you down, but at least you can be thankful for the strong support system you have. Your mother sounds like a truly great woman. You're in my thoughts, Steph!

    http://viennawaitsblog.blogspot.com/

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  6. I'm sorry to hear about this rough patch, but I'm glad you have people to lean on when you need to. Also, I wanted to say that I just read your post over on Little Chief Honeybee and absolutely loved it. You're a true inspiration and I pray that you'll get through this season and recapture your joy sooner than later.

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  7. I hope everything is okay. I know bad timing can ruin just about anything you're in the middle of. I came across your inspirational blog from LCH and I'm so glad! I can't wait to follow you through your life journeys.

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  8. I hope you overcome whatever disturbances there are in your life. I was reading the other post of yours about changes in life (through the little chief honeybee. lovely post by the way.)and it was really motivating. I wish you all the best for this hurdle.

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  9. I wish you big hugs and peace. mom's have a way of helping mend broken spirits and hearts. I'll send a prayer your way asap.
    hugs
    Reva

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  10. i'm so sorry to hear that. i hope you overcome whatever it is that is causing you all these troubles fast. and that's is so sweet - mothers are the best!
    hugs! xo, cheyenne

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  11. I'm so sorry to hear that... I wish you the calm and the strength you'll need to work through whatever it is that is causing you all this heartache. You're mom sounds like a wonderful woman :)

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  12. First off, I am a new follower of yours and am excited on doing some "catching up" through your posts. I found you via 'little chief honeybee', and am glad I did :)

    Second, I pray that you can find the strength and guidance through a challenging time for you ... whatever this trying time may be.

    Third, you mentioned people possibly getting annoyed with your constant photos of family/friends ... girl, don't worry about what your readers will think/like when they come to your blog. Your true readers will appreciate your honesty and sincere heart. Always stay true to yourself ... after all, you mentioned this being an online scrapbook ;)

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  13. This is a great post and post whatever you feel like...it's your blog! I just wrote about a positive perspective to take on problems which could help you out...something along the lines of...problems are here to help us reveal our unlimited potential! You're great!

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  14. I'm having trouble finding the right words. I don't want to use underwhelming words, because I hate that. "Hard time" is a cliche, "unfortunate" is forgetting your wallet, "sucks" is an eighth-grade boys favorite word. Life-changers? Those I don't have words for.

    Please just know that I'm sincerely sending you all my best thoughts and wishes.

    -april.

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  15. Steph - I hope you are doing well. I'm really glad you had your mom there for you. I really appreciate your view of things. Best wishes and prayers for you dear.

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  16. sending you lots of virtual hugs. i hope you're inching your way up through this challenging time. glad you have your mom and loved ones to lean on. keep the faith. i know you're a tough cookie. :)

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  17. Just know that you are not the events that happen to you- you are bigger, stronger and more resilient than that. You have it in your power to thrive UNDER any circumstance. I fiercely believe in the adage "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger," so don't get killed and you'll do all right.

    I'll admit, I prefer content that I can relate to, so a bit of sharing isn't a bad thing. Oversharing, and I too am one who does this, speaks more about lack of personal/private boundaries than it does in bringing something to the conversation. Take care, Steph and trust in your ability to flourish in your life.

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  18. Just wanted you to know that we are praying for you. What ever has happened I know you are strong enough to not only get through it but grow because of it. I look forward to being inspired by you. Gabe

    Also Aunt Vicky is extending her care and consern for you. We love you.

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  19. I love your blog, and specially your lessons, because you're confinding in us in a totally unassuming way, which is rare for a blogger!
    I'd like to enter for the ad space giveaway, here is my blog : http://cultivez-moi.blogspot.com/.

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