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Friday, February 15, 2013

Listen :: Men Might Marry Bitches, but Boys Love Insecure Girls



In honor of Valentine's Day, here's a post about love. Well, sorta. I gotta admit, this subject has been on my mind for quite some time, but I've been nervous about posting it. It's pretty opinionated, but I feel like it's an important thing to discuss. I'm not even really sure how to explain myself properly when it comes to the matter, so I'm just going to type what comes to mind. Ready or not...



The first time I heard this song on the radio, it made me a little angry. And then it just made me sad. It's sad that our society teaches us that women need a man in order to be happy. "Let me love you, and I will love you until you learn to love yourself." That's seriously disturbing. Everyone always told me the opposite -- that you can't truly love someone else until you love yourself. It's not the other way around. And based on my own experiences, I've learned this to be true. Anyone who goes into a relationship with low self-worth is going to be way too dependent on the other person, and they will only be disappointed time and again because that person won't always be there for them. Everyone makes mistakes and hurts each other once in awhile, and when those hard times come you need to know how to take care of yourself through it all.



But the thing is, men are just as reliant on women. "If you let me, here's what I'll do -- I'll take care of you." This society has become so co-dependent it's unhealthy. A relationship is a team effort that should be made up of two adults, not two children parenting each other. I'm not saying that people shouldn't comfort each other, but there should still be a level of independence. We should be able to take care of ourselves, for the most part. For example, if you're a woman nursing a broken heart, the last thing you should do is turn to another man for comfort. Again, I know this based on experience. I used to be the friend who always had a boyfriend. I went from guy to guy, and I lost myself in my relationships. When I became single, I didn't know what to do with myself. It took a long time for me to feel happy and secure and beautiful again, but now I feel these things more than I ever did while in a relationship.



"You're insecure, don't know what for... You don't know you're beautiful, that's what makes you beautiful." Yes, my friends, this is what today's music is teaching teenage girls: Be insecure about yourself, and boys will find you attractive. Because, contrary to popular belief, men don't like confidence. Then again, these kids aren't men, so maybe they'll change one day. But being insecure never got me a boyfriend in high school, so, the whole thing is just really confusing. Maybe we should just all love ourselves, take care of ourselves, and have fun with each other instead of using each other to boost our self-esteem? That sounds more healthy to me.



Wait, what's this? Back in 2009, Ne-Yo recorded a song about a woman who didn't need him. "She walk like a boss, talk like a boss... She got her own thing, that's why I love her." Did he get sick of trying to keep up with Miss Independent? I'm not sure, but I like this song a lot better. (And the video is cute. So many cameos.) From what I understand, this is moreso the type of woman a man would like to marry. She already knows she's pretty and smart; she doesn't need someone else to assure her that these things are true.



Drake, on a similar note, also has a song about a woman who takes care of herself -- a resilient, hard-working college graduate who stays celibate and goes to the gym for her own benefit. "I like a woman with a future and a past... Couple things due, but you always get it done... I know things get hard, but girl you got it... Wondering what's on your mind, it must be hard to be that fine... I'm so proud of you." I love singing this song to myself, about myself. I know it sounds corny, but you should try it -- in the car, of course, so no one can hear you. ;)



Unfortunately, One Direction still doesn't get it. "You've never loved your stomach or your thighs... But I'll love them endlessly... You still have to squeeze into your jeans, but you're perfect to me... You'll never love yourself half as much as I love you." Okay, first off, girlfriend needs to get a new pair of jeans. Size is just a number, and no one should try to wear pants that don't fit just because they think they should. Secondly, I happen to be 100% confident in my body. Yes, I know it's hard to believe, but I do love my stomach and my thighs, not to mention my tits and ass. And I think every woman should. I mean, every woman should love their bodies, not mine. Obviously.

*Image source.
**Post title inspired by the book Why Men Marry Bitches.

9 comments:

  1. I. Love. This. And myself, big time. Full support on all of these thoughts - that 'you'll never love yourself half as much as i love you' line drives me nuts every time i hear it. Good of you to write about this :)

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  2. This this this this this! It's so disturbing how many people think you absolutely need a relationship to be happy and that you'll be miserable if you're single. Coming from a house where my mum and dad had separate hobbies and would often go their own ways to do what they like, I find it disturbing when people are so dependent on each other for happiness. And where the hell did all of these songs about being insecure to be loved come from? Nobody likes an insecure mess!

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  3. Duuuuuuuuuuude!! You took the words OUT-OF-MY-MOUTH!!
    i was JUST writing up a post about that damn Ne-yo song! Maybe i'll still write it..
    When i heard this song i was like 'UM...WTF?! WUT!??' and the CONDITIONS under which i heard it? Much worse!! I was going off on a heated tangent to my gal pal about it just yesterday so needless to say i am kind of in love with this post lol

    I will differ with you on the One Direction song 'What makes you beautiful' though, i interpret it differently 'You're insecure, don't know what for, you're turning heads when you walk through the door' to me speaks to those girls who are so very caught up in their own insecurity they don't realize they're hot as hell but others looking on can. However i'm going to listen to it again.

    Personally, while chatting with my gal pal i'm not sure i like Ne-Yo's music much but i'm going to check the link you posted about that woman who is a boss, as i've never heard it...

    Keep on winning!

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  4. Also, as a caribbean national and a woman on a whole? You do not want to even get me STARTED on Rihanna! oi!

    Plus! who wants to marry a boy anyway? A woman needs a man husband ;)

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  5. I like where you're going with this. And it's funny but every time that Neo song about loving yourself comes on I want to throw up in my mouth--it just feels so misogynistic to me. From my experience guys need to love themselves as much if not more than women do. That said, hope you had a sweet and wonderful Valentine's day.
    xo Mary Jo

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  6. I'd take a secure woman over an insecure woman any day. We all know Hollywood and the music industry is garbage when it comes to messages about love and relationships. 500 days of summer was true!!

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  7. As Rupaul says..."If you can't love yourself, how in the hell are you going to love somebody else?" This post is great!

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  8. Key point: " Be insecure about yourself, and boys will find you attractive."

    BOYS.

    Only BOYS need to control or feel bigger than they are through subjugation, intimidation, or chauvinism. Largesse through those means would make a real MAN feel like a fraud. Because a real man doesn't manifest power or accomplishment through weakness or self-destruction, or by coupling himself with women who suck him dry with neediness and longing.

    Men DO find confidence attractive. Real MEN appreciate the strength of a real WOMAN. My husband has said that what attracted him to me is that I carry myself as a woman, not a girl. Being a woman doesn't mean being domineering and invincible, or never being vulnerable or fragile. On the contrary, real women own their strengths and weaknesses; they know that showing tenderness, love, and even cooking a meal for their man isn't a sign of weakness, rather it's a sign of wisdom and partnership. Fragility will only get you so far; it must be balanced with strength for the gravity of it to have any impact. Otherwise it becomes an obstacle, not a revelation deserving of empathy and kindness.

    There is NOTHING more pathetic than crying wolf for the sake of it. The damsel in distress routine, the dumb blonde routine will only get you so far. Men are actually quite sensitive...what they want is not a ball-breaker or a pushover, but a woman who is resilient and strong when they need HER support, her countenance, her confidence. We must complement each other, not compete with each other. Any man worth his salt will appreciate his woman, in her fright, and even in her fury.

    I am glad that you already know all this! If only more women did.

    xo

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  9. Great post even though I interpret those songs so much differently. I laughed out loud at girlfriend needs to get a new pair of jeans, HA!

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