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Friday, September 20, 2013

LA-versary :: Guest Post by Fenn of The Honest Badger

Hi, I'm Fenn, and I write over at The Honest Badger. Today, I'm going to talk about ONLINE DATING!

Basically, I'm on OKCupid, an online dating place for counterculture individuals. I've been on the site off and on forever. Usually, I get annoyed and tired of the lack of replies and delete my account. This time around, I'm working the system. Every so often, I go on and send anywhere between 5-20 messages. Recently though, I've met some people who may make that system unnecessary!

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View from a first date

A few weeks ago, I had this first date with a guy who was ok in person. Via messages, he seemed smart and interesting. In person, he seemed kind of desperate and a bit of a let down. He was not a great dresser, didn't have a great job, and seemed less intelligent in person. He was self-proclaimed polyamorous but his beliefs didn't sit well with me...NOT because I'm opposed to polyamory but because his beliefs seemed to stem from an insecure NEED to be loved by many people. He oft said, "She didn't love me enough," even about those with whom he had dated only a short bit. But at the end of the date, I agreed to a second date because...

Because I just thought that maybe some things developed over time.

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Ice cream on a first date is a great idea!

Fast forward a few weeks, and I set up two first dates in two days (before boarding a bus for a trip to Omaha). Those dates were AWESOME! We did about the same thing, which was mostly hanging out and talking. We talked for hours and everything felt light and easy.

Cut to the middle of the week in Omaha when Clingy Guy messaged me twice in two days (like dude, I'm out of town!) and made a remark about Omaha that I did not like. (Making fun of places is not cool and doesn't make you seem cool.)

So, I sent him a direct e-mail explaining what bugged me about him and that I'd met other people with whom I clicked, and then I blocked him.

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Excited for a first date!

The lesson learned is to go with my gut. If it feels ok, lukewarm, like it needs to develop, then it's not right. Because for me, if it feels good right away, then it's right. This is not something I knew just a few weeks ago or a few months ago when I was dating a couple of girls who were cute and nice but just not really sparking with me.

This week, I have two second dates planned, and I'm super excited about them. I feel like maybe that work I put into really putting myself out there and "working the system" is going to pay off!

(Fenn has been a loyal blog follower, reader and friend for years. I'm glad she shared her thoughts about internet dating here, as I've had my own experiences -- good, bad, and downright creepy -- in the past. I didn't find my mate on-line, but I know plenty of people -- including my roommate -- who have had great success! Fenn, thank you for contributing to my LA-versary celebration, and I wish you luck in the dating world! Don't give up, because you definitely have to kiss a lot of frogs in the process. Feel free to check out the rest of my guests' great posts you guys, especially Alysia's, since her photos weren't working at first and I didn't even realize it. Oops! Should be all fixed up!)

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