Monday, August 4, 2014

Lessons :: Should I Sacrifice my Relationship to Follow my Dreams?

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Anonymous asks,

"How do I deal with my confusing boyfriend? One minute we talk marriage, the next he says he isn't planning his future around 'us'. Is he just scared? Also, is it worth splitting up in order to follow my dreams?"

I wrote in my book that you shouldn't let anything (or anyone) get in the way of your goals, and you should always be willing to make sacrifices for your dreams. However, that doesn't mean you necessarily need to make those sacrifices. For example, you should totally be willing to take a bullet for your child, but I'm not telling you to go find a gun to jump in front of!

First off, relationships are about compromise and reciprocity. Your boyfriend should be supportive of whatever you dreams are (as long as it's not something scary like becoming a drug dealer or serial killer, of course). You should also be supportive of his, certainly. If you can't support each other and one person is bringing the other down, there is really no reason to be together. The person you're with should make your life easier, not harder. He should encourage and motivate you. He should help you grow and change for the better, not hold you back.

It also disturbs me that he is so wishy-washy when it comes to marriage and a future. He may just not be ready, which is completely valid, but in that case he needs to be honest and tell you that. He shouldn't go back and forth when you have these conversations. It's simply not fair to you. He needs to give you straight answers instead of leaving you confused. And again, if you both want different things, then maybe it's time to move on.

If the two of you have kids, or own a house or business together, things get a little more complicated. You need to figure out what you're willing to let go of. Does this dream of yours require a move, and is he willing to give everything up to come with you? Only you can decide what's worth it.

Bottom line, though -- if he doesn't want to plan his future around your relationship, then you shouldn't either! It sounds like you've already talked with him about it, and you know what you want. If he's not sure, don't wait for him to decide. This is YOUR life, not his. Breakups suck, but you deserve someone who cares about you just as much as you do.

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