Thursday, November 13, 2014

Lessons :: You Don't Have to Prove Anything to Anyone

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Being a mother is like anything else in life: you have good days, and then you have not-so-good days.

It was on one of the latter type that I rocked my baby in his nursery and cried. My mother was visiting, and I was telling her that I just didn't want them to be right. "Them" being the naysayers, the Negative Nancys, the mothers and non-mothers that told me how hard and horrible parenting would be.

I had written about those people before, a couple times, while I was pregnant. And I didn't want to write about them a third time, this time saying, "Yes, you were right. You were all right, and I hate motherhood."

The truth was, though, that they were wrong. I loved motherhood. I still do. I've loved my son since the moment I saw those two pink lines on two white sticks, and I've loved being his parent since the moment I heard his first small, beautiful cry.

Parenting a newborn isn't hard. When my son starts walking and talking and getting into everything, and then starts getting rebellious and stubborn as he begins to grow up, I'm sure it will be hard. But right now, it's easy. It's fun. It's snuggly and sweet and wonderful.

Yes, there are challenges. But aren't there always challenges? Isn't that just the way life is? If we don't have difficulties, we don't learn and we don't grow. But motherhood is not horrible. It's not bad. It didn't ruin my life. In fact, it's only made it better.

So, what's the problem?

The problem was that I was so focused on proving those assholes wrong that I wasn't even paying attention to the fact that everything felt so right. They were already wrong, so why was I questioning it?

And why did I have to prove anything anyway? Why did it matter? My baby is a gift from God. I should be enjoying him instead of worrying about what anyone else is saying.

My mom reminded me of that, that day. And every day after that, I've decided not to give a shit about anyone else's opinion. Because as much as I've always said I don't care what people think, sometimes, I still did. And becoming pregnant, and then a mother, opens up a whole new world of judgement.

But that doesn't matter anymore. It never should have mattered, but now, it finally doesn't.

I'm finally free.

*Photo found here.
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